No News

I couldn’t find any newsworthy sports to write about today. With a lack of attention-grabbing headlines, I decided to make up my own. Here are 20 headlines you will (probably) never read, but would definitely cause a few double-takes if they were ever printed.

“Oliver Perez loses Mets’ first potential no-hitter on C.C. Sabathia’s inside-the-park homer”

“Pete Rose to be named next Commissioner of MLB”

“Retired Favre replaces benched Brady”

“It’s the Nationals and Royals for 2009 World Series”

“Jeter criticizes teammates, throws manager under the bus”

“Joe Paterno’s next coaching job: Ohio State”

“ARod returns to Texas, switches sports to try out for Cowboys quarterback”

“Michelle Wie defeats tanking Tiger in co-ed PGA event”

“Obama passes bill permitting steroid use in baseball”

“Cubs win World Series as Wrigley faithful rejoice”

“Eli Manning latest superstar athlete busted for DWI”

“Roger Federer selected for next cast of ‘Dancing With The Stars’”

“Oakland Athletics re-locate to Alaska, build domed stadium up north”

“Surging Ken Griffey, Jr.’s 55 consecutive game hitting streak stopped one game short of Joe D’s record”

“NHL dismantles franchises as hockey is banned in Canada”

“NCAA enables Twitter recruiting by coaches and implements BCS bowl playoff system”

“Wrestling takes over as top college sport in attendance”

“Madonna marries fluky Dodger, Manny Ramirez, during slugger’s suspension from sport”
“Rich Redskins owner, Daniel Snyder, bikes to work to save on gas money”

“Yankees trim payroll, ship Rivera to Boston for prospect”

Parting points: Hope you enjoyed the non-news day. In reality, I didn’t feel like writing too much because I want to enjoy the 80 degree biking weather we are having this afternoon. Takin’ it easy today.